Do you know any good Music jokes? Please send them me so we can add them to this page. Thanks!
Misc | Music Definitions | Musical Terms | Trumpet | Drums | Viola/Violin | Bag Pipes
Q: How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking gets faster and faster.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking gets slower and slower.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in.
Q: How many drumers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to do it and 9 to stand there and say, "Yeah, I can do that."
Q: How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
A: Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
One day, a tuba player wanted to torture the drummer behind him, so he hid one of the drummer's sticks.
After looking around for a few minutes, with a frantic, wide-eyed expression, the drummer fell to his knees, flung his arms wide, and screamed to heaven:
"Finally! The miracle, after all these years! I'm a Conductor!"
New category: Musical Oxymorons. For example
Snare Drum Music
Professional Drummer
Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.
"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an astrophysicists' for $10?".
The salesman replies, "Because it's never been used."
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q: What does a drummer use for contraception?
A: His personality!
Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
Q: Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out....
A man dies and goes to Heaven. Unlike he had expected, Heaven is essentially a really long hallway with doors on either side, each with a short IQ range listed on it. Inside, he learns, the rooms are perfectly tailored so that the conversation will match the intelligence of the people in them.
He opens the 170 door. "Well," comes the conversation inside, "I've always found Fourier transforms to be a rather limited way of interconverting what are fundamentally..."
SLAM. Too rich for him. He heads down the hall a bit to the 115 zone and opens the door. "I just read 'Generation X'," comes a voice, "and though Coupland doesn't do too badly in identifying his generation's fundamental angst, I was a bit confused by..."
SLAM. Not bad, but now the man was getting curious, and wanted to see what was further down the scale. He tries 95. "Hey, did you read the paper today? Says interest rates will go up again..."
SLAM. How about 60? "Huh. Thought 'Married With Children' last night was pretty funny. Didn't get the bit about the hooters, though..."
SLAM. It was getting pretty bad. He tried 35. The people inside were looking at one another and drooling.
Finally, he came to the one marked with a 10. He hesitated, fearing what he would see when he opened the door. But he did, seeing only two guys inside.
"So," one said to the other, "what size sticks do you use?"
Q: What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"